A note on being an over-protector

During the last couple of years I have learned a lot about myself, mainly, accepting who I am.

Learning to live and enjoy my life and fighting for what I believe in hasn’t been easy. To be honest, there have been times when I felt I should just give in and accept the notions and dogmas of everyone around me. For instance, my tears usually run down easily, this, to many people exemplifies weakness; however, I came to acknowledge that it is a sign of my strength. In fact, I believe now that the specific act of crying, show that I’m confident with displaying my inner state and it’s easier for me now to express my love, gratitude, fear, care and passion.

One of the defining moments in any relationship, whether between lovers, parents, children, siblings or friends is when you think you are going to lose them; that fear, makes you realize that they mean a  lot more than you have imagined. For me- and due to the fact that everything is so dissimilar going on inside my rambling senseless head- that moment is when I discover that someone’s smile just lights up the shady corners in my heart and I find myself thinking about how they are doing long after I say goodbye  . I do get attached easily to people and as much as I hate to admit, I do have a certain condition of over-protectiveness. I don’t want to share people close to my heart with others that might not have their best interest in mind. And I know that this is pretty lame or sick or you can call it whatever you like, but this is one of the feelings that now I ‘m comfortable in conveying. And I am learning to let it go, and to accept that people I love might be happier experiencing things on their own.

The other day, I discovered that I love a specific person a lot more that I thought, my over-protectiveness was kicking in, because I just wanted him to be safe with me, to hang out with me, to laugh with me and to have his last drink for the night with me.  You see I wanted that person to spend time with me, not only because I enjoy his company, but also because I felt it’s my duty to keep him safe from any slight possibility of getting hurt.

That was the defining moment in my relation with izoo. The brother I’ve always wanted but never had up until now.  I felt so much love that I wanted to let him go, to let him be happy and to let him be free. Here’s to you izoo…. you made my feelings flow, you’re worth more than a mention ,  you deserve a post for all the ways you made me express my secret battle to overcome being an over-protector.

Nostalgia

The concept of memories is weird. You never TRULY appreciate a good moment unless you allow it to pass by

The Aztec Empire and Human nature

So I have signed up for this new history course on coursera

Did I mention how much I loved this website?

What a great initiative!

I finished three courses and I was so happy with the content and the idea of making learning a free experience that I registered for another one.

For all the people responsible for the education system, please acknowledge that Information is out there and it’s free; do not put a price tag on it! Do not make Learning a money making machine.

Back to my original thought.  I subscribed to this history course titled “A History of the World since 1300” which I fell in love with from the introductory video lecture, it is provided by Princeton University and for all history lovers out there, this is worth checking.

I think I’ve always loved history, especially world history, but the whole educational system made it seem very rigid and very tough. It is so unfair how history classes have always been portrayed as boring, inflexible and memory grueling classes.

So I am almost in my third week, and some of the mind simulating info that was introduced, includes a ritual practiced by the Aztec Empire, which is human sacrifices. Humans’ hearts were ripped out and blood ran on pyramids in an action of gratitude to gods and to ensure the sun keeps burning, this action was performed by priests, and one of the reasons it seized was that priests got tired of this ritual. This piece of info made me pause for a moment, and think about human nature, is it essentially a savage nature? If so, how did the new world managed to tame it down and domesticate it? Isn’t it almost impossible to tame down a wild hyena? And if we assumed that humans aren’t  principally savage, then how can we explain this brutal ritual that went on for years and the Aztec people who performed and accepted that  arguably “against their nature” behavior?

Is there any rational answer?

In a Haze

I’m wrapped in a weird haze, I’m sober yet I’m twirled with buzz

I’m paralyzed yet I feel the pain

I’m lighter than air, I’m in a hurricane of souls, I can share what everyone else feels

Is it giving up or getting stronger? Is it dying or living?

Breathing seems like a chore…

I’ve changed my beliefs I’m someone new, I’m rising out of ashes

The humming bird turned into a phoenix

I can scream while keeping calm, I feel bonding with a superior being but is it god or devil

Someone show me the truth, all I need is peace of heart

Am I a good person or a bad one? And who decides what’s good and what’s bad?

Are human beings evil or they are just weak creatures that surrender to any tempting power

That battleship inside my chest will have to reach a haven, enough sailing through corners of my soul.